Lindsey's view of the world

I continue to worry about Lindsey.  Her counselor tells me that the "I hate you" language is a little less benign than I was thinking.  Lindsey blames me for the fact that Stace moved out.  Lindsey and I had a good talk while we were out doing some work in the garden this afternoon.  I tried to explain to her that once we knew we were getting divorced, Mom and I talked and decided that it would be best for the kids if she moved out instead of me.  In Lindsey's mind, though, that explanation doesn't pass the smell test.

Here's her logical thinking:  Mom moved out.  Mom would never choose to move out. Therefore, Dad forced Mom to move out.  It makes perfect sense to Lindsey.  During our chat, I tried to explain to her that it was a decision that Stace and I made together and that it makes Stace sad to be away.  I'm not sure if my message got through, but I'll keep trying.  The counselor thinks it's bad for my long-term relationship with Lindsey to have her keep telling me she hates me, so I need to try to rephrase those comments as something like, "So, you mean you're frustrated/mad/upset with me?"

The ward is keeping an eye on Lindsey.  In a few minutes, she's going to go out with one of the members and her elderly mother, who lives with the family.  The mother is one of Lindsey's activity day leaders.  She's depressed.  Her husband died many years ago, and she feels like she doesn't have a purpose in life.  She's going to spend some time with Lindsey on occasion.  They like being together.  I think they can help each other.

In some good news, Lindsey has gotten excited about reading a book she got from her birth father for Christmas.  The book won a Newbery award.  It's called "Moon Over Manifest."  (Lindsey just wandered in and learned that I was writing a blog entry about her book, so she wanted to make sure I mentioned the name of the book.  Done.)  Lindsey's birth father knows the author, so she autographed a copy and addressed it to Lindsey.  It's above Lindsey's reading level, but she's excited to read it.  That's wonderful.  Lindsey struggles so much with reading that she never does it voluntarily.  It's not fun for her.

But that reminds me of a task that I've been dreading and putting off:  I need to tell Lindsey's birth parents about the divorce.  They don't know about the blog, and I haven't told them anything yet, so they don't know about the divorce.  (I've set up the blog so that you can't find it with a Google search.  You have to know the URL.)  Not only have we failed the kids; we've also failed their birth parents. It's time for me to tell them.