Kind of a rough day yesterday, but everyone's fine. I couldn't get Lindsey to empty the dishwasher, which is her daily assignment. She just dug in and wouldn't do it. She got irritable, I got irritable, and things weren't good. I finally called a halt to the power struggle and asked her what was going on. Not surprisingly, she was upset about things. That led to some more hugs and crying about life, but we got through it okay.
At work this afternoon, I got the call from Tanner: Lindsey had just gotten home from school and was throwing up. So I left work a bit early. Everything was fine. She just seems to throw up once in a while. I'm not sure why. She was eating dinner an hour later and shows no signs of anything having been wrong.
She was doing so well that I decided she was up for doing some homework. Always looking to take advantage of the situation, she immediately decided to have another "divorce crisis" moment just like the day before, but this one was 100% manufactured. Oh, the drama and the fake crying. When she finally figured out that I was on to her, the crying and tears ceased in a heartbeat, and she sat down to do her homework.
I've decided that there are three things that will always exist in this world: hostas (have you ever tried to kill a hosta?), cockroaches, and Lindsey's desire to manipulate every situation to her advantage. It's good to know there are some things that you can always count on.
Oh, and to add onto this post, I forgot to mention that this morning was the first day of Lindsey's before-school child care. We leave the house around 7:00, I drop her off at her school, and then I head to work. She was very excited and loved it. That part of the new routine isn't going to be a problem. We'll do that on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Stace will be around in the mornings on Tuesdays and Thursdays to get Lindsey off to school.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Links to sanity
So, as we all know, bad things sometimes happen in life. We've had our share: tubal pregnancy #1, tubal pregnancy #2, a failed adoption, infertility, an MS diagnosis, the divorce, the Bulls beating the Jazz in six games in the 1998 NBA Championships, you get the picture. I can imagine worse, and people have been through worse: the unexpected death of a spouse or a child's drug addiction, for example. Thankfully, I've never had to live through anything like that.
I find myself gravitating toward particular anchors when times get tough. When I was diagnosed with MS (I promise that I don't intend to turn this into a blog about life with MS), I found myself relying on a somewhat odd source of strength: David Letterman. Yes, David Letterman. The diagnosis threw our lives into complete chaos. We didn't know what would happen with me, whether I'd be disabled, whether I'd be able to work, and things like that. That was twenty years ago, and so far, the only really bad thing that's happened is that I'm no longer able to go on long hikes with the Boy Scouts, which has been a tough blow, but I'm getting over it. But at the time, it was pretty traumatic. I found myself needing something completely stable and reliable, and Letterman's show filled that need. He was on every night at exactly the same time, and I knew exactly what to expect. For a while there, that show was the most important part of my day.
That was a long time ago; it's probably been more than fifteen years since I watched more than about two minutes of Letterman's show. I moved past it. But in the current situation, I'm again finding myself drawn to particular anchors. They are:
1. The newspaper. I've always been a fan of reading the paper, but it seems to have become a vital component of my life right now. It's there every day, even on holidays. It always has the same sections, and I read them in the same order every day. It doesn't demand anything of me or ask me any questions. It doesn't wake me up at night (unlike a certain nine-year-old who seems to have developed a fondness for waking me up at 3 a.m.). I've found that I absolutely must finish the newspaper every day.
2. Semi-regular exercise. I don't have time to exercise every day anymore with the recent changes to the routine, but I do try to slip it in at least a couple of times a week. I get on the cross-trainer downstairs and listen to NPR. I don't have to make any decisions or tackle any tough issues for a half hour. I just move my arms and legs back and forth and listen to whatever is on public radio at the moment.
3. Help from friends and ward members. Okay, this one isn't quite the same thing as the rest of the things on the list, but help from people has still been important. Not everyone knows about our situation yet (see the grapevine post from two days ago), but people who do know have been helpful. Stace needs a couple of days away right now, so our friends up the street are going to take care of Lindsey tonight while Tanner and I go to our General Conference meeting. That's just one small example. I don't need meals brought in or anything like that, and the kids and I do pretty well for ourselves, but I appreciate the help that people have given me.
4. The blog. Yeah, I know that sounds weird. The idea to resurrect the blog came a couple of weeks ago when I was feeling particularly bleak, and it's helped immensely. The focus is mostly on the kids, not the divorce, but I still find it therapeutic even if no one reads it. Someone asked me yesterday how many people read the blog. I know I have at least one faithful reader (hi, Mom!), but I have no idea beyond that. I don't track the numbers. It's just a good outlet for me.
So there you have it. One unfortunate side effect of the time I spend reading the paper, exercising, and writing the blog is that I have less time for things I really should be doing, like straightening up the house or building that fifth bedroom in the basement, but those things will come as life settles into more of a routine. I figure that for now, staying sane is good enough.
I find myself gravitating toward particular anchors when times get tough. When I was diagnosed with MS (I promise that I don't intend to turn this into a blog about life with MS), I found myself relying on a somewhat odd source of strength: David Letterman. Yes, David Letterman. The diagnosis threw our lives into complete chaos. We didn't know what would happen with me, whether I'd be disabled, whether I'd be able to work, and things like that. That was twenty years ago, and so far, the only really bad thing that's happened is that I'm no longer able to go on long hikes with the Boy Scouts, which has been a tough blow, but I'm getting over it. But at the time, it was pretty traumatic. I found myself needing something completely stable and reliable, and Letterman's show filled that need. He was on every night at exactly the same time, and I knew exactly what to expect. For a while there, that show was the most important part of my day.
That was a long time ago; it's probably been more than fifteen years since I watched more than about two minutes of Letterman's show. I moved past it. But in the current situation, I'm again finding myself drawn to particular anchors. They are:
1. The newspaper. I've always been a fan of reading the paper, but it seems to have become a vital component of my life right now. It's there every day, even on holidays. It always has the same sections, and I read them in the same order every day. It doesn't demand anything of me or ask me any questions. It doesn't wake me up at night (unlike a certain nine-year-old who seems to have developed a fondness for waking me up at 3 a.m.). I've found that I absolutely must finish the newspaper every day.
2. Semi-regular exercise. I don't have time to exercise every day anymore with the recent changes to the routine, but I do try to slip it in at least a couple of times a week. I get on the cross-trainer downstairs and listen to NPR. I don't have to make any decisions or tackle any tough issues for a half hour. I just move my arms and legs back and forth and listen to whatever is on public radio at the moment.
3. Help from friends and ward members. Okay, this one isn't quite the same thing as the rest of the things on the list, but help from people has still been important. Not everyone knows about our situation yet (see the grapevine post from two days ago), but people who do know have been helpful. Stace needs a couple of days away right now, so our friends up the street are going to take care of Lindsey tonight while Tanner and I go to our General Conference meeting. That's just one small example. I don't need meals brought in or anything like that, and the kids and I do pretty well for ourselves, but I appreciate the help that people have given me.
4. The blog. Yeah, I know that sounds weird. The idea to resurrect the blog came a couple of weeks ago when I was feeling particularly bleak, and it's helped immensely. The focus is mostly on the kids, not the divorce, but I still find it therapeutic even if no one reads it. Someone asked me yesterday how many people read the blog. I know I have at least one faithful reader (hi, Mom!), but I have no idea beyond that. I don't track the numbers. It's just a good outlet for me.
So there you have it. One unfortunate side effect of the time I spend reading the paper, exercising, and writing the blog is that I have less time for things I really should be doing, like straightening up the house or building that fifth bedroom in the basement, but those things will come as life settles into more of a routine. I figure that for now, staying sane is good enough.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Stargazing
Tonight, the kids and I went to a community education event featuring our local radio meteorologist. He's also an astronomy buff. He talked to us about stars and constellations and all kinds of cool stuff I've always been interested in. He had a telescope, and we were supposed to be able to look at the sky, but tonight was the first cloudy night we've had in a long time. The kids still thought it was pretty cool.
We got a raincheck to catch another one of his presentations sometime when the skies are clear, so we'll get another chance to look through his telescope. When it does clear up around here some night, we're going to take our star maps and lawn chairs, head out to the back yard, and look at the night sky to see what we can see on our own. Our house is a little bit out in farm country away from the brightest city lights, so we might have a decent view of the night sky from here.
We got a raincheck to catch another one of his presentations sometime when the skies are clear, so we'll get another chance to look through his telescope. When it does clear up around here some night, we're going to take our star maps and lawn chairs, head out to the back yard, and look at the night sky to see what we can see on our own. Our house is a little bit out in farm country away from the brightest city lights, so we might have a decent view of the night sky from here.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Go, grapevine!
[I'm not sure if I have any non-Mormon readers these days, but be warned that this post will delve into Mormon culture. It could be a bit confusing if you're not familiar with it.]
I don't like telling people that I have multiple sclerosis. It's not because I don't want people to know; I don't care one way or the other. It's because it's such a conversation killer. You can be having a peasant chat about the weather, but it's kind of hard to get things back on track after you tell someone that your immune system sometimes randomly attacks the protein sheath around your nerves, thus disrupting the transmission of electrical signals through your nervous system, thus resulting in episodes of disability that tend to come and go during the early stages of the disease but can then become gradually but steadily worse over time, but this is all fairly unpredictable and I've actually done pretty well for the past twenty years except that I sometimes can't walk or climb stairs as well as I would like. Oh, but anyway, it sure does get cold here in Minnesota, doesn't it?
See what I mean? It's pretty much impossible to get things back on track after that. That's why, when someone makes a comment about how I'm not moving very fast or how I seem to be limping, I simply give them some lame explanation (Ha! "Lame," get it?) about my legs not always working as well as I would like. It just makes for a more pleasant conversation. (One of these days, I need to do a post about how happy Lindsey is that I have MS, but that's a story for another time.)
It's the same way with the divorce. Yes, I'm getting divorced. There's no way to cover that up, and it's even more significant in Mormon culture than in the world generally. Somewhere along the line, people notice that Stace hasn't been around much, and they ask if she's doing okay. I hate, hate, HATE that moment when I have to tell them that well, actually, we're getting divorced, she's already moved out, I have physical custody of the kids, but both of us will still play a significant role in the kids' lives, we're not fighting, there won't be any courtroom battles, and so forth. It's not the answer that people expect, of course, and they're shocked to hear it. They need time to process the information. They don't know what to say. They want to say something helpful, but they're afraid they'll say the wrong thing. I feel bad for them, and I hate putting people in that situation.
That's why, although the grapevine is usually a bad thing, I actually want it to do what it's designed to do, which is to spread the news quickly and indiscriminately. Let's get it out there! The news is somewhat getting out there in our current ward, the Farmington Ward, because Tanner has been talking about it with the youth, which is a good thing. Families without youth still probably don't know for the most part. Also, Stace hasn't been a huge presence in the Farmington Ward since we came back, so it won't be as shocking.
I think the news will have a bigger impact in our pre-Switzerland ward, the Lakeville Ward. We lived there for many years, and there are a lot of people there who are close to Stace and who go way back with her. I've encountered a couple of Lakeville people because both wards meet in the same building. I can immediately tell who knows and who doesn't know. People who know talk to me differently, sort of a mix of, "Wow, I'm very sorry you have to go through that," and "Wow, you kind of messed up the most important thing that you were supposed to get right." But at least I don't have to shock them with the news.
I was at the church for a while last night while the kids both had activities. I spent some time chatting with a member of the Lakeville Ward who's been there for a long time. He obviously didn't know. I kept thinking to myself, "What's the protocol here? Is it inconsiderate of me not to tell him? When he finds out later, will he feel slighted that I acted like things were perfectly normal?" I didn't tell him. I didn't want to have that moment of bringing a screeching halt to what was otherwise a pleasant conversation.
I guess I have three choices about how to spread the word in Lakeville: 1) place an item in the Lakeville Ward bulletin; 2) have Gretchen stand up in Sunday School and make an announcement to the ward all at once; or 3) have a plane with a banner fly over the church on Sunday as people are arriving for their meetings. I'll give some thought to which of those approaches would be best.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Still figuring things out . . . .
So, I needed a new washcloth this morning. I wasn't sure where to find one. I finally found a pile in the bedroom. (We still haven't gotten a couple of new dressers and other articles of furniture to replace things we gave away when we left for Switzerland.) I grabbed a washcloth and took it into the shower. It seemed like a good-sized washcloth. Once I actually started to use it, though, I became suspicious. It wasn't working very well as a washcloth. Was this actually a small hand towel rather than a large washcloth? I argued with myself but never came to a firm conclusion.
I decided to ask the expert when she arrived at the house to get Lindsey ready for school this morning. Sure enough, Stace informed me that my large washcloth was actually a small hand towel. Dang!
That's why I'm going to need my kids to help me determine the difference between clothes that are stylish and frumpy on a 44-year-old. (Just to be clear, I'll be going for frumpy. The words "stylish" and "Ethan" don't belong in the same sentence, unless the sentence is "Ethan's sense of fashion is not at all stylish").
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Scattered thoughts
I have a few miscellaneous thoughts to put out there today--nothing very well organized, and some of them completely unrelated to being a single dad. So, in no particular order:
First, here's an article about the continuing decline of tourism in Egypt. It's killing the Egyptian economy. We actually visited the temple in Luxor that's pictured in the article. (Yes, I knew that 60 tourists were killed in an attack there back in 1997, but I figured the odds of that happening again during our trip there were pretty remote. Turns out I was right. We're not dead.) I still think back on that trip as one of the two best trips we took while we lived in Switzerland. I'm glad that we were able to squeeze in a visit while things were relatively calm. (Norway was my other favorite trip.)
Second, some of you already know this. There's a rock band called Rush that's been around for a long time. They're going to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame later this month, but they're still going strong. Tanner and I have made a habit of catching the occasional Rush concert. We've seen them in Chicago, Saint Paul, Minneapolis, Winnipeg, Denver, and Salt Lake.
In 2007, just before Tanner turned nine, we got front-row seats to a Rush concert in Salt Lake. Tanner and the band's guitarist exchanged goofy faces throughout the show, and the guitarist ended up giving Tanner a guitar pick. It was a fun night. Well, I got those exact same seats for a Rush concert this summer, and in the grand tradition of the Wood boys, Lindsey is now demanding her chance to see Rush. So this time, Lindsey and I will be on the front row. Poor Tanner will have to suffer all the way back on the fifth row. But he's now tall enough that seeing the band won't be a problem for him. We're all pretty excited. (Yes, I'll insist that she wear ear plugs. It would be child abuse not to.)
Third, Stace was around the house most of the day and was in pretty good spirits. She's been giving me tutorials on which drawers contains which of the kids' clothes, and we all had a nice dinner together again.
Fourth, I think Lindsey decided to try to push some boundaries tonight to test how things are going to work around here. Stace left after dinner, and I started in on homework with Lindsey. Lindsey's got some pretty hefty challenges with learning, so her homework takes a long time. It was time for her to go to bed when she was done. She insisted, though, that Mom had said that she could watch TV after she was done with her homework. Now it's possible that Stace actually said that, but I doubt it. At any rate, Lindsey threw a major fit, which was a little out of character. I explained to her that even if Mom said that, we had run out of time and there would be more time tomorrow. I was gentle with her, but I stuck to it, and she went to bed. She wasn't happy. I'll have to compare notes with Stace tomorrow, but even if Stace did actually say that, Lindsey needed to get to bed, and it wasn't worth the ruckus she caused. I try to be tolerant.
Fifth, and finally, I'm sometimes struck by some of the absurdities of my situation. Here's one. I've already shared this thought with some of you, but it still gets me: I HAVE TWO SINKS!!!!!! Yes, I have a nice, big master bathroom, and it has two sinks. What on earth am I supposed to do with two sinks? Use one every other day? I used to torment Stace by waiting to take out my contacts until she was taking out hers. Then I'd tell her how great it was that we had two sinks because taking out our contacts side by side was our "special together time." Knowing Stace, you can imagine the annoyed looks I could successfully get from her each and every time.
First, here's an article about the continuing decline of tourism in Egypt. It's killing the Egyptian economy. We actually visited the temple in Luxor that's pictured in the article. (Yes, I knew that 60 tourists were killed in an attack there back in 1997, but I figured the odds of that happening again during our trip there were pretty remote. Turns out I was right. We're not dead.) I still think back on that trip as one of the two best trips we took while we lived in Switzerland. I'm glad that we were able to squeeze in a visit while things were relatively calm. (Norway was my other favorite trip.)
Second, some of you already know this. There's a rock band called Rush that's been around for a long time. They're going to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame later this month, but they're still going strong. Tanner and I have made a habit of catching the occasional Rush concert. We've seen them in Chicago, Saint Paul, Minneapolis, Winnipeg, Denver, and Salt Lake.
In 2007, just before Tanner turned nine, we got front-row seats to a Rush concert in Salt Lake. Tanner and the band's guitarist exchanged goofy faces throughout the show, and the guitarist ended up giving Tanner a guitar pick. It was a fun night. Well, I got those exact same seats for a Rush concert this summer, and in the grand tradition of the Wood boys, Lindsey is now demanding her chance to see Rush. So this time, Lindsey and I will be on the front row. Poor Tanner will have to suffer all the way back on the fifth row. But he's now tall enough that seeing the band won't be a problem for him. We're all pretty excited. (Yes, I'll insist that she wear ear plugs. It would be child abuse not to.)
Third, Stace was around the house most of the day and was in pretty good spirits. She's been giving me tutorials on which drawers contains which of the kids' clothes, and we all had a nice dinner together again.
Fourth, I think Lindsey decided to try to push some boundaries tonight to test how things are going to work around here. Stace left after dinner, and I started in on homework with Lindsey. Lindsey's got some pretty hefty challenges with learning, so her homework takes a long time. It was time for her to go to bed when she was done. She insisted, though, that Mom had said that she could watch TV after she was done with her homework. Now it's possible that Stace actually said that, but I doubt it. At any rate, Lindsey threw a major fit, which was a little out of character. I explained to her that even if Mom said that, we had run out of time and there would be more time tomorrow. I was gentle with her, but I stuck to it, and she went to bed. She wasn't happy. I'll have to compare notes with Stace tomorrow, but even if Stace did actually say that, Lindsey needed to get to bed, and it wasn't worth the ruckus she caused. I try to be tolerant.
Fifth, and finally, I'm sometimes struck by some of the absurdities of my situation. Here's one. I've already shared this thought with some of you, but it still gets me: I HAVE TWO SINKS!!!!!! Yes, I have a nice, big master bathroom, and it has two sinks. What on earth am I supposed to do with two sinks? Use one every other day? I used to torment Stace by waiting to take out my contacts until she was taking out hers. Then I'd tell her how great it was that we had two sinks because taking out our contacts side by side was our "special together time." Knowing Stace, you can imagine the annoyed looks I could successfully get from her each and every time.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Ordinary day #1
I mentioned that I wouldn't blog about every routine day. This was the first such day. However, one can argue that, by definition, the first routine day isn't actually a routine day, so I thought I'd give a sense of what a routine day will be like around here.
Beginning next week, I'll take Lindsey to early morning child care at her school on my way to work on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Stace will come to the house in the mornings on Tuesdays and Thursdays to send Lindsey off at her regular time. Lindsey's bus doesn't come until 8:30, which would be too late for me to get to work every day. Stace will also plan on being around on Tuesday and Thursday evenings to help with dinner and homework and to spend time with the kids. School only goes for two more months, so that's what we'll do through the end of the school year.
After laying low over the weekend, Stace was back in the swing of things today, and we were all glad to see her. She came to the house this morning to get Lindsey off to school and then was back tonight to make dinner for us. It was good to have her here.
I should report that so far, the kids seem to be doing just fine. Lindsey hasn't even mentioned the divorce for a couple of days. We have teachers and school couselors keeping an eye on the kids for signs of trouble, but so far, everything seems to be going as well as we could expect. My best description for Tanner is "bemused." He's always had a fairly healthy ability to handle life's curveballs, and he seems to find this one interesting more than anything else. I have to remember that he's only four years away from being out of the house. He's already pretty independent, and this actually hasn't changed his world very much.
[Amusing side note from the other day, which maybe illustrates Tanner's ability to roll with things. The kids were annoying each other as usual, and Tanner was getting so tired of Lindsey that he finally burst out with something to the effect of, "I'm so glad that we're not blood relatives!" Lindsey's response indicated that the feeling was mutual. And then life went on for the Wood family as normal. No one gets too freaked out over things.]
It's interesting to see how much frou-frou you can strip from your life when you need to. Over the past month, my world has shrunk considerably, but it's okay. At the risk of sounding a bit sappy, I'm finding that I enjoy the dumb little things like putting the kids to bed or counting the seconds to make sure that Lindsey brushes her teeth long enough at night. Last night, when I went into her room to check on her before I went to bed, I was adjusting her blankets because she was too hot. She opened her eyes, looked at me, and asked, "Did you make it sparkly?" Then she rolled over and went back to sleep. I'd love to know what she was dreaming about.
Well, this was going to be a very short post, and I haven't even said everything I was thinking of saying. We'll have to call it a night for now.
Beginning next week, I'll take Lindsey to early morning child care at her school on my way to work on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Stace will come to the house in the mornings on Tuesdays and Thursdays to send Lindsey off at her regular time. Lindsey's bus doesn't come until 8:30, which would be too late for me to get to work every day. Stace will also plan on being around on Tuesday and Thursday evenings to help with dinner and homework and to spend time with the kids. School only goes for two more months, so that's what we'll do through the end of the school year.
After laying low over the weekend, Stace was back in the swing of things today, and we were all glad to see her. She came to the house this morning to get Lindsey off to school and then was back tonight to make dinner for us. It was good to have her here.
I should report that so far, the kids seem to be doing just fine. Lindsey hasn't even mentioned the divorce for a couple of days. We have teachers and school couselors keeping an eye on the kids for signs of trouble, but so far, everything seems to be going as well as we could expect. My best description for Tanner is "bemused." He's always had a fairly healthy ability to handle life's curveballs, and he seems to find this one interesting more than anything else. I have to remember that he's only four years away from being out of the house. He's already pretty independent, and this actually hasn't changed his world very much.
[Amusing side note from the other day, which maybe illustrates Tanner's ability to roll with things. The kids were annoying each other as usual, and Tanner was getting so tired of Lindsey that he finally burst out with something to the effect of, "I'm so glad that we're not blood relatives!" Lindsey's response indicated that the feeling was mutual. And then life went on for the Wood family as normal. No one gets too freaked out over things.]
It's interesting to see how much frou-frou you can strip from your life when you need to. Over the past month, my world has shrunk considerably, but it's okay. At the risk of sounding a bit sappy, I'm finding that I enjoy the dumb little things like putting the kids to bed or counting the seconds to make sure that Lindsey brushes her teeth long enough at night. Last night, when I went into her room to check on her before I went to bed, I was adjusting her blankets because she was too hot. She opened her eyes, looked at me, and asked, "Did you make it sparkly?" Then she rolled over and went back to sleep. I'd love to know what she was dreaming about.
Well, this was going to be a very short post, and I haven't even said everything I was thinking of saying. We'll have to call it a night for now.
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