Lindsey's tightrope

Lots going on with Lindsey's physical and emotional health these days.

First, the beta blockers have brought her pulse down to a reasonable level.  I measure it every day, and it's been around 100, which is about where it should be for a nine-year-old.  Later this week, we'll test her thyroid levels again to see if the thyroid medication is kicking in.  If it is, we can wean her off of the beta blockers.  We'll keep an eye on her for any side effects from the medication.

Emotionally, Lindsey still has a lot going on.  Michelle will be coming out to Minnesota for visits in October and again over Thanksgiving.  I believe Michelle's exact words were, "I want to experience Minnesota in all of its glory, so I'm really, really hoping for at least two feet of snow and subzero temperatures the whole time I'm there."  Okay, maybe those weren't her exact words, but I'm fairly confident that's how she feels.

Now you can imagine that this is a little tricky for Lindsey.  She struggles with both Stace and me seeing other people.  (Stace is seeing a man named Jody, who was a friend of ours going back to when we first moved to the southern part of the Twin Cities back in 1995.  The kids already know him because he'd been at the house a couple of times after we came back from Switzerland.)

My relationship with Michelle is trickier for Lindsey than Stace's relationship with Jody for a couple of reasons.  First, the kids live with me, so having someone new around the house, even just for a visit, has a big effect on their world.  Second, as Michelle and I have both been expecting, Lindsey is worried that Michelle's presence will affect Lindsey's relationship with Stace.  Lindsey has never been completely secure in her relationship with her mom.  She told me the other night that if Michelle is around, she'll see even less of Stace than she does now.  I keep reassuring Lindsey that Stace and I will be her parents no matter what and that she'll still be able to see Stace just as much.  I just need to keep giving her that message.

On the other hand, Lindsey feels secure in her relationship with me.  (At least, I'd like to think so.)  I'm the one who's around her every day.  She knows that she can get upset about the divorce, and even tell me that she's unhappy with me, and I won't freak out.  I just tell her that I'll always love her even if she's mad at me or if she thinks I'm not a good dad.  That usually satisfies her.

(Side note:  have I yet mentioned the sign she made me wear the other day?  She wrote up a sign that said, "Not a good parent" and made me wear it for the evening.  She was unhappy with me for seeing Michelle and for making her move faster when it was bedtime.  I wore the sign for a while, and by the time she went to bed, she relented and told me I didn't need to wear it anymore.  I can put up with stuff like that, and she dishes it out because she knows I won't overreact.)

So, guess what?  Lindsey will be starting up with some counseling visits again.  I'll get some professional help in navigating all of this because I'm just kind of making it up as I go along.