The Triple-Kiss

Change of plans again. Rather than taking a long train ride yesterday, I took the kids to the Goldau Tielpark, which is a nearby animal park at which the people and the animals walk around together. The kids fed the birds, the ducks, the chickens, the deer, and other animals I couldn't identify. They had lots of fun. Lindsey loves animals. In the meantime, Stace spent lots of money in Germany. She also thinks she got another speeding ticket. I'll let you know in a couple of weeks.

But that's not what this post is about. No, it's about the one thing in Switzerland that causes me to live in constant fear, sometimes waking me up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat: the possibility that I'll be in a situation where I'm expected to triple-kiss. What's the triple-kiss, you ask? It's a uniquely Swiss custom that I don't believe is practiced even in other parts of Europe. Upon greeting each other, the Swiss will often engage in the triple-kiss, a rather elaborate ceremony in which the two participants first kiss each other on the right cheeks, then on the left cheeks, and then again on the right cheeks. This is not some fakey-silently-kiss-the-air type of Hollywood kiss; this is a flat-out kiss on the cheek, complete with loud smooching noises. The whole thing takes about a second, but it seems like an eternity to both observers and participants.

It may surprise some of my faithful readers to learn that I'm not exactly the touchy-feely type. I don't usually even hug friends, let alone kiss them three times. The Swiss, like most Europeans, are generally more touchy than most Americans, and most Americans are generally more touchy than me, so you can imagine my distress with all of this publicly-displayed affection.

I haven't yet seen a triple-kiss between two men, but I've seen plenty between two women or between a man and a woman. I've only been involved in one, and I'm sure I messed it up royally. For one thing, I'm not sure what one is supposed to do with one's hands during the triple-kiss. Firm embrace of the shoulders? Grasp around the waist? Hands in pockets? I don't know. I just know that the world would be a much better place if we all settled for a nice handshake, or, better yet, a friendly wave. (So as not to spread germs.)

Postscript: Just now, as I was putting Stace to bed, I was complaining to her about all the hugging and kissing going on around here. She said that she's "embraced" the hugging. She then proceeded to laugh hysterically at her own joke and what she considers to be her immensely sophisticated sense of humor until she fell asleep.

Postpostscript: Tomorrow's high in the Twin Cities, 8 degrees. Tomorrow's high in Zug, 38 degrees. Amount of snow that fell today in the Twin Cities: about 6 inches, from what I hear. Amount of snow that fell today in Zug: zero. Varieties of cheese available in the Twin Cities: about 6. Varieties of cheese available in Zug: about 8,523,712. Not a bad decision, eh? Even with all of the moving violations.